Severed Ties
Zachary,
Today I took time to finally take down my Christmas tree and swap out all of my Christmas decor for my regular decor in my home, I did a full deep clean and as I was cleaning my room the journal you wrote for me was sitting on top of my closet shelf, after my entire day has came to a final rest I decided to open it and read it entirely.
As I read your words and your prayers so many thoughts and feelings flooded into me, it moved me, inspired me and brought much tears to my eyes.
You have been searching and yearning for a love that will challenge you, be there for you through all of your ups and downs, someone who will love you through your good and bad moments.
I pray that your new relationship fulfills all of that and more.
After you and I broke up I unfortunately opened a door that was meant to be shut for life, it was short lived, and through that I fell on my knees to the Lord and went into deep repentance for my treacherous ways and for the sin I was committing that gave the devil legality over my life. On New Year’s Eve I committed to spending it alone at home with the Lord, in prayer and meditation under the word. I got all of my past journals and started to read through them and as I was reading through them the Holy Spirit spoke to me and gave me a revolution over my life. The Holy Spirit provided me with a bird eye view of myself and all of my ways, the conviction brought me to two days of an out pouring of tears of deep sadness, regret, shame and guilt. It was than that I realized I have came in agreement with certain demonic spirits like jezebel and leviathan, studying demonology has provided me with a deep understanding of the demonic strongholds we have over our lives through living in sin and giving legality to the devil to infiltrate in our lives.
I have decided to completely detach from all of my past and move forward with this year dedicating my time to the Lord. Sustaining from men in all aspects so that through the sanctification process the Lord can prepare my heart, mind, body and soul to become a Proverbs 31 Woman. I have taken no rest in assuring this process is complete, I have made major life changing decisions like therapy, the studying of demonology, relocating and getting mentorship and meditating on the word daily so that I can read the entire Bible this year.
As I read your entries in the journal and read the prayers you prayed, I was led to tell you this.
I pray that you and her live a long, happy, prosperous life together, I pray that she challenges you in every way as a Man in order for you to properly lead your household, I pray that she loves and cherishes you every day, on your good days and hard days, I pray that the both of you will walk a long and prosperous life together, hand in hand until your both 105. I pray that you purify yourself through the Lord and cleanse yourself from all sin and turn away from all of it so that the Holy Spirit can work through you in order for Gods purpose to be fulfilled in you as her future husband. I pray that when you feel lost Jesus guides you back to what he says about you, I pray that she walks side by side with you, uplifting, encouraging you and being the help keep that God created Eve for Adam.
I have decided to not hold onto anything that came from you or us, and to sever all soul ties, renouncing myself as a Woman of God who has been forgiven, delivered and set free from all of my past traumas, sexual partners and all of the legality that the devil once had over me. The cord that was once tied between you and I has been dissolved, and I pray that this severing of the cord will propel you forward to new and unimaginable heights between you and her.
Thank you for being a part of a process that only God set forth in my path to reveal and heal.
May the Lord forever keep you and may he one day say to you:
“His Lord said unto him, Well done, good and faithful servant; thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy Lord.” Matthew 25:23
Cindy Delgado
To My Majesty
Lord, thank you for blessing me with the spirit and knowledge of discernment, thank you for amplifying my walk with you, for the close relationship with you Father, you are a wonderful savior, majestic Lord, and matchless God. You are infinitely everywhere all at once, from the heavens to hell, earthly present in the now, past and future, you are not bound by time or day. When your name is called upon all must bow and all must confess. Lord, your presence is everlasting, and your love is limitless, your grace pours from a well deep beneath the earth where the spring runs like the ocean, times a million. One drink from your cup will runneth over my soul and provide it with everlasting life, from this well I will surely drink of for all the days of my life. You prevail all evil and cast all darkness into the fiery pits, your throne sits you as the King of Kings and Lord of Lords, the darkness trembles, mourns, and aches in agony from your name. Let your people not be blind and ignorant to your will and goodness you have for our lives and soul, but if they must, which some shall be servants of the enemy, let them also be casted to the fiery pits of hell with Leviathan, the serpents, and the other lost transgressors, for your grace was extended to each and every one of them until their last breath was taken. For when your children are discontent, prideful, fearful, boastful, jealous, filled with hatred and envy call unto you they too shall free themselves of their chains, but if they deny you, mock you, take your name in vain and claim the unknowing of their mighty creator they are like pigs of swine and they too will serve their god with the gnashing of teeth, fiery pits of long suffering and cries so loud that even the Lord can hear them from the heavens. You will turn away from them and all that are left to suffer shall suffer for entirely, forbidden from your love, light and mercy. I will dwell in the place of the Lord and seek the way of my Father for all the days of my life and as for me and my house, we shall serve and abide by the Lord, for he is the way, the truth and the light. Thank you Holy Spirit, for your presence and power, let my heart, mouth, hands, and feet work under your submission of truth and love, let others see your power made perfect in all my weaknesses and may I never boast in anything except the cross of Jesus Christ.
EXALTED
The devil is a lie, last night you came into my dream, both you and Jessica, in my dream you and I had ran into one another, you played the cat and mouse game with me for a moment because initially I rejected you. In my dream I knew you and Jessica had spilt, I knew you had multiple children together. Yet, in my dream after I rejected you, I started to yearn for a conversation out of my curiosity. I guess curiosity does kill the cat because the following event that took place in my dream was exactly that, I saw you out while I was out, I approached you and immediately you seized the opportunity to turn the tables of power on me as you spoke in your familiar language of defense, condemnation, with deep hatred under your tongue and right as you knew my body was going into fight or flight mode you pulled the rug from underneath me and told me that you felt the same yearning. It was the beginning of what I knew was my demise. You and I started to sneak in ways to exchange moments of lust and temptation. Jessica had reached out to me with her confusion, pain and anguish, seeking solace from one victim to another. Her and I spoke and as she was revealing the wounds of her infected sores, I was injecting poison into them knowing that Jesse and I had opened a door that was meant to be sealed for a lifetime. I was sitting on that line with you knowing the missile headed your way, I did nothing to warn you and the hateful side of me took pleasure in it all.
I walked into the dungeons of hell as soon as I entered into your vehicle, you put your charming smile on with that twinkle in your eyes. As you opened your mouth to express your reasoning behind “needing to leave Jessica,” I felt the black clouds forming all around me, you stated it was all because you had run into me. You began to lay down a false foundation of why you knew she wasn’t right for you and how you simply had a revolution over your life, all of a sudden you came to the realization that I was the one you were really supposed to be with this entire time. You started to light up your flower as you served me a platter of poison. What did I do? I picked my spoon up and began to consume it while puffing on the devil’s lettuce with you. I immediately fell into the dark tunnel where the light at the end of it was above, but my confusion had already grasped my mind, and I went down to the pits of hell with you as you and I laid in the bed with one another. Finally, you had your prey in the perfect position for your devils to infiltrate. As I was dancing with the devil in perversion, above me I could see Jessica in her abandoned, broken home filled with anguish and so much turmoil. All of a sudden, a sound started blaring all around us and I woke up to my hotel room immediately crying out to Jesus.
Jesus blared the alarm to warn me of the tornado that lied ahead, before the enemy could finish me off it was the Lord that reached his mighty hand from the sky and shook my body to a standing position, my eyes shot wide open and my tongue immediately started to cry out to my father Jesus.
For the devil is cunning, slick, conniving, deceitful and filled with so much hatred when he sees a child of God exalt themselves to Christ Jesus, but he will never be a match to my King. He tried to steal this entire weekend from me by planting a dead seed through my dream, but the enemy will never take the Lord’s rightful position, he was rebuked and sent back to the pits off hell where he belongs.
This weekend was a revival-ship over my life and a baptism over my soul with the goodness of the word from Pastor Philips. The praise and worship I submerged myself into under the presence of the Lord delivered the Holy Ghost into my body through the opening of my mouth, crying out the understanding of a language that can only take place between the intimacy of the soul and Christ, King Jesus himself.
I was set free and made whole again, purified under the waterfall of his grace and mercy, I laid to rest my old body filled with jealousy, envy, lust, hatred, bitterness, perversion, trauma, along with all the demonic spirits I once provided a home for.
As my soul was being lifted up from out of my old flesh it began to settle into the newness of a fully cleansed temple, fully clothed in the armor of God. For I have been forgiven and refined through the sanctification process.
I have been placed on the path of righteousness, turning away from all the wickedness that once took presidency over my life.
I am no longer Cindy of the flesh, but a renewed child under The Great I Am, Yahweh, King of Kings, my Lord and mighty savior Jesus Christ.
That dream was the last attempt to steal my peace and joy, yet here I stand with the biggest smile on my face, filled with joy, humility, grace, happiness and PEACE. Reflecting back on the holy sermon of the Sunday Gospel service that took place on November 17th, 2024 with Pastor Philip Anthony Mitchell at 2819 Church.
Reminding myself that all chains have been removed.
I am FREE!
The Resurrection
I feel so emotional lately, I can cry on the drop of a hat. My mindset seems to be strong one moment and the next I feel weak, insecure and unloved. Sometimes I find myself just starring into a Biss. The space between closes in and there it is, that lump in my throat, the overwhelming sensation running all over me like a warm shower of rain pour. The sensation trickles from my throat all the way through my veins and vessels. The rush is so powerful it overtakes my body and all of a sudden, I can feel myself lost in the deep dark hole of nothingness.
I look within, but why does it feel empty, hollow? I know I am in there somewhere, but I can’t see her.
I look for the little girl in me when I am sitting in the corner of my mind crying out for love and safety, I follow the sounds of your cry in the dark as my arms are reached out searching for you, I am calling your name, over and over again. I can hear myself echoing yelling out, “Cindy, Cindy where are you, I’m here, reaching out, hear my voice and lead me to you!”, but all I can hear is your agony as you continue to cry out.
You can feel I’m so close to you, yet the space between us feels like universes away.
Your cry is growing louder with each step I take within the darkness of myself, my feet feel so heavy, must be the weight of your sorrows.
Just as the darkness starts closing in on me, I turn the corner….
There, right in front of me I see you. You’re sitting in the corner with your knees tucked against your chest, your arms are hugged around your knees as if you were your own fortress. Your hair is in your face, your pretty brown eyes are filled with the waters of the red sea and your lips and cheeks are swollen from all the screaming and crying. I can see I’ve left you here for a long time, sitting here in this corner like this.
A heart full of sadness, confusion, and anger, but as I approach you the light above starts to expand, I run to you with my arms reached out, yelling, “I’m here Cindy!” You look up at me and I see you stretch your arms out towards me with a look of hope in your eyes……
And there in that moment you and I finally collide as you fall into my arms.
Your body feels so fragile and weak as I hold you, your cold and shaking.
My voice is trembling as I start to utter the words, “I’m here my love, sshh’s and hums are coming from my mouth as I soothe you, caressing your hair as I move it from your face, I wipe the tears from your eyes as I’m smiling down at your porcelain skin, blushed cheeks and puffy eyes.
You’re so beautiful and as you stare back, I start to see the look in your eyes change from fear to hope, from sadness to solace, from rage to awareness.
We just sit there for a while, under the light of our love together, holding one another. You ask me, “what took you so long?”
I look at you as my eyes fill with tears and sorrow and all I can utter are the words, “I couldn’t see myself.”
I feel your little hands wiping the tears from my eyes and there in that moment, I see YOUR smile.
I smile back at you.
I stand up with you in my arms
carrying us towards the light
the heavens open and I hear,
“Welcome home.”
Talking To Myself
My life is about to head into an entirely new dimension. You are about to enter into a portal and life as you have known it will forever be changed. Entering into this new version of yourself will require discipline, accountability, awareness and actions reflecting the changes necessary to achieve the goal. This season is going to hold many more of the good and a sprinkle of the challenging days. The tests are going to come to remind you, that this too DOES pass and the best part? You’ll remain satisfied and at peace the entire time. You know by holding your faith within and walking in the light of it, that everything always works for the better. Understand this, you have to make it a priority to be happy and this includes being happy even if you are all alone, life is only fulfilling according to your riches. Ask yourself, how am I rich in morals, dignity, truth, honesty, authenticity and accountability? Are you poor in the spirit and mind? The one who controls the pouring is you, so tell me why are you so loyal to what’s not loyal to you? Every single day you are blessed with the new opportunity to put the shovel down and stop digging deeper into your self pity, look above you and understand that the climb and build brings to you more light. You have the power to build out of your pit! All of the tools are right in front of you and if you need help seeing where they are start asking your creator to show you. Step out of your own way, after all that’s the exact same thing that drove you to the pit you’re living in now. It all starts with introspect, go deep within and start creating with the treasures that lay at the surface of your being.
Rise Again
It’s crazy to me that we fuck up so many times, to only continue this cycle of repeated behavior habits, in which this is a determining factor for our future.
We are moving through our daily lives losing grasps of how serious this is, as we go through out our day to day we are often co-pilots.
Unawareness will cost you and it will catch up to you and when it catches up to you, it hits you so damn hard. You feel like the walls of life are closing in on you. You feel paralyzed, confused, angry, sad, but out of it all you feel like your sense of awareness has been nonexistent. When we detach ourselves from the things and people that weight you down, you experience a stage of reflection.
You find yourself asking, why? How? How did it get to this point with us that we find ourselves yet again in another cycle?
Becoming aware of yourself and learning the depths of what and who helped created you, how were your habits formed? How did you know how to behave in that manner?
The key to stop toxic cycles in our lives is to become self-aware of who we are. What we have within us will manifest one way or the other and it doesn’t end with you, this can be passed to your extensions, for many are witnesses to karma returning through their offspring’s.
The biggest way to defend the enemies of life is to become better, brighter, wiser, spiritually aligned with yourself, you choose the path of higher self, higher vibrations, higher everything. You remain humble, understanding that this process is in fact not of the physical world. As you shift your spirituality, energy, and mindset the physical manifestations will appear. The focus is strictly mindset. Be prepared to play the long game with no short cuts. Realize and prepare that you will be challenged in every way.
You will need to stand firm in yourself and your space, take ownership over the energy with the affirmations of success, growth, exposure, elevation. View these challenges in any way you need to see it, as it is going to come for the best of you. Let it know who the fuck you are and where you are going.
The journey is cold cut at moments, people, places and belongings must be cut, but there will be many more blessings to come because what you are telling the universe and your creator is that you are willing to burn through the fire to become ashes to only rise from them, every single time like the phoenix you are.
The universe is listening and it is responding to you.
So, listen.
The Final Chapter
I am happy for you, I am so, so, so very happy for you. We all deserve love, even if your potion of love was poison for me doesn’t mean it is killing you. I see now more than ever the same poison that you give out is the same poison that you also drink.
I don’t want to be tied to you in anyway, emotionally, spiritually, mentally and never again physically.
It’s not my place to judge anymore, the only one that I judge now is myself because I have to ask myself why I decided to drink from a cup that was slowly killing me in every way.
I thank God every day that he used you as a vessel to teach me a lesson that I desperately needed. My creator is the only one who knows my future and he is all prosperous.
So, while at the time I couldn’t see or even imagine my life without you or see myself giving that much love to anyone but you, I now know that all of that was just the devil telling me lies in hopes to keep me close to his friends that live within you.
Your demons saw the God in me, your demons felt the spirit of God through the way I loved you, your children and through the way that same love created and cultivated a home for you all. The demons saw my light and they were terrified so much so that they sought to destroy it from the moment your physical eyes laid upon me,
You see Jesse, your demons have been following me all of my life, but what made you uniquely created for me and for the duration of you being in my life is that your demons were sent by God to show me all that my father actually imprinted on me since birth.
It couldn’t have been anyone else, it had to be you.
Knowing that you were sent to me from God as part of his divine plan he has for my life, I have to tell you thank you.
Thank you for all the times I may have thought I felt love, thank you for giving me a real-life experience of what living in poverty spiritually, financially, emotionally, mentally and physically looked like with you.
If it had not been for the allowance I gave myself to continue all that time with you, I wouldn’t have been sucked dry of all of my old ways of what I thought love was.
All of those sweet moments we shared, all of those nights where we would stay up into the night like some nocturnal animals laughing so hard, we couldn’t breathe. For every time we both crossed into the intimate sides of one another, clothed and unclothed. For the dances we shared together in the varies parts of our home and for all of the little and big life moments we both shared together.
All of it was extracting me from all the wrong ways to love another human being.
In many ways it has been your vessel that broke many chains I had on me, from other’s and from myself. I’m just sorry that it had to be you and I am even more sorry that it had to be me who woke up your sleeping demons.
I am here at the end of what was a very dark, lonely, hateful, lovely, sorrowful, ugly and beautiful tunnel, looking at the light.
It feels warm, soft, calming, brand new, but most of all it feels like JOY!
I’m ready to take that final step out of the darkness forever and walk into the life God has for me.
I love you, I thank you and I wish you nothing but healing and peace of mind.
With Love,
God Sent.
Pressing Towards The Mark
All the power comes from surrendering. When was the last time you felt free? Do you strive to live each day in the present moment? Are you taking the time to understand yourself and all your ways of being? This day that you are reading this, understand that this is our only day we have. You and I are not guaranteed a full day tomorrow. None of your friends, not your mother, father, sister, brother, none of us.
So, what is it going to take for you to wake up and DO something?
Stop being loyal to things and people that have no loyalty for you. This is your life, what do you want to do with it? What are you still dreaming about? What kind of love are you spreading to others?
Believe in yourself by doing things and seeing them through, don’t mind the changes, the shifts, the growing pains. Everything is going to be okay.
Remember to laugh, take risks, make those big hard choices and never play yourself short. Fill your cup up and fill others. Stand strong in your armor and stay in the battle.
Your throne awaits!
Black & White Heart
The way you look at me, your eyes become so bright and wide. You smile at me and I instantly become high.
You give me an indescribable high, I feel it from the tip of my toes and it creates this sensation of needing to hold onto something, the feeling is overwhelming. It travels to the hairs on my scalp and down my entire spine.
This intense, tingling sensation. It’s strong and indulging, it’s delicious.
I put my love on you by feeding you dessert through your ears with my voice, your eyes start to change.
All of a sudden they look softer, a hint of yearning under the bright blue, they slightly lower and focus in on me a little more.
You speak to me through them and I can feel what you are feeling. I can see your mind filled with specific thoughts of fire and desire.
Your energy shifts and I can feel you taking me raw and having your way with what is yours.
Awareness
Take your time in the things that bring you joy.
Stay present
Do what makes you feel fulfilled
Speak words of affirmation to yourself
Thank God through out your day for the abundance that is surrounding you
Take accountability for your actions, good or bad
Acknowledge that you are not always right
CHECK yourself often
No one else will do it for you. DON’T surround yourself with “yes” friends
Check your thoughts
If the words don’t taste good, mentally check that shit before you feed them to yourself and others.
Your reality is your perception.
Yearning
I have this haunting loneliness that lives within me. Your sitting right next to me, yet my heart still feels unsatisfied. I don’t think it can ever be satisfied, because I know this feeling all too well. I’ve had it with me for as long as I can remember. Certain situations may subside it for a short amount of time, but once the entertainment has gone away I sit with this loneliness. It’s became my best friend…kind of like a soul mate. Maybe it started with the lack of love and affection that my mother failed to provide to me, and I found ways to fill that yearning with other things. Or maybe it’s been the number of betrayals I’ve endured from these men that are selfish bastards. Maybe I shouldn’t try and run from it, maybe I should embrace it, wear it proudly like a newly wedded wife wears her ring. When I feel the loneliness surround me I often take myself to our sweet memories to help bring that comforting sensation back into my chest to try and ease the pain. I close my eyes and I imagine you, and me laying next to one another. My head is on your chest, your stroking my hair the way I love, or I picture our mornings when you would be sitting on the couch and I would come crawling into your lap and you’d just let me lay there wrapped in your arms. You wouldn’t get up in fear of interrupting me, instead you’d just sit and take it all in because that was your favorite too. The mornings. These memories that I replay in my mind are bittersweet because while they temporarily provide that wholeness that I crave I know when I open my eyes life is staring me right in my face waking me to the reality of knowing that I will never experience those sweet sensations with you my dear, ever again. When the night falls it’s me and you. The sun rises I play house so I can make myself think that I’m moving forward. No progress is ever real with out both your heart and mind together in it, and that’s why my present seems so unsatisfying because while my head is here, my heart is in your hands.
Release
I want you to fall in love again.
Love is beautiful
Love is powerful
But most of all I want you to fall in love with YOU.
If you let it, it can heal all that you struggle with.
Love and gratitude.
I feel love and gratitude when I see you, you came into my life as a vessel of lessons.
I see it so clearly.
When I reflect on that chapter I understand that your flesh is a capsule for the spirits you hold. God brought you to me as a lesson so I can further see the road to my harvest. You have to understand that God protects what is anointed.
This peace I have in my entire being is irreplaceable. I know who Cindy Susan Delgado is and I know exactly where I’m going.
To Abundance.
God pruned you from me because your spirits are ill, dead, or diseased and it was putting my crown at risk.
Find God, I promise he has the power to change you and your life in ways you could NEVER imagine. All of your dreams will come true and they will be anointed.
The shackles of you have been released and let go by me and I gave them to God.
May you find peace.
Orgasm
The most divine power I posses is my Sex.
My sacred canal to my sources.
I understand that the longer I’ve sustained from having sex the blinds are being pulled up to let the view in of my subconscious.
It’s been enlightening, fulfilling and beautiful.
I have uncovered many spiritual healings and adventures behind my woman hood during this process.
I have had to reflect back on the history of my sexuality, when did I first discover it? How have I been expressing it? What have I learned from it?
It’s deeper than intercourse, my sex is the energy that is the root of my self expression of love and compassion, strength and power.
I was born with it.
When a Woman has sex it’s not just a fuck and a nut. It’s a door way into our spirits.
The spirit of nurturing
The spirit of love
The spirit of strength
The spirit of loyalty
Why do you think we birthed your life?
The longer I’ve sustained from having sex including physical encounters of any kind that’s sexually related my perspective and understanding of myself has elevated to another level that I have never taken the time to dive into until now.
I am Woman
I am Nurturing
I am Love
I am Strength
I am Loyal
Ocean Eyes
Last Night you came to me
It still feels like the fantasy I have dreamt of a thousand times
The feelings that I experienced last night while we were siting under the moon and the night sky was wholesome and sweet. Looking into your sky blue eyes reminded me of all the love and passion the two of us create when we are in the presence of one another.
Your touch, the way you stroked my hair while we were speaking, the way you move.
Kissing you last night, being able to crawl within your arms, it was home.
You are my home.
When I am with you, I feel safe and shielded from all the negativity the world can bring.
In your essence I bring my thoughts to the present and I can feel my breathing under my control. My thoughts are no where else but here with you.
You & I feel natural
You & I feel like no time has passed
I am grateful for you
I cherish you
I love you
Shadow
Life is beautiful, life itself is the most precious thing on this earth. Every soul we encounter and pass is rare and each one carries deep praise and pain.
I find myself somewhere else at this moment, time has passed us by and life has made a different path for the ones we have said goodbye to. The passing of time has shed old skin, old habits, brought in new habits, different perspectives and new faces, so tell me why are your inner issues and outer problems seem to be on replay?
Your problems will always follow you where ever you may go until you confront them, heal them and release them. In order to release them you have to solve them and continuously do so to ensure no relapse of any kind. Other wise the demons, the terror, the trauma, the pain and suffering will make a home in your heart and out cast a shadow of a lost soul over your eyes.
Your demons lay beneath the surface of it all, it is your duty to honor yourself and bring light into them. The true state of serenity is inner peace, kindness, love, gratitude and a humble state of mind.
Stay true to yourself, don’t let the ways of our physical world take control over the freedom that your spirit craves and needs.
Learn to nurture your spirit, listen to it and feed it all the light and love until the bond is God like. There is freedom and light ahead of you, the work is never easy, but the work is free.
Find the strength and courage to walk in the light and leave your shadows behind.
Dear Lover
At first glance…I was attracted to you.
Second glance…I noticed your eyes.
Your eyes held strength, kindness and curiosity.
Third glance…I noticed YOU.
The conversations we had left an imprint on me. I thought about you daily, I wondered what it might be like to kiss you, feel your beautiful skin, hear your voice in my ear. I manifested you in the flesh.
You’ve captured my eyes, my thoughts, my lips.
I want you to capture my mind, body and soul.
I want you to take your time to devour and feast onto me the kind of passion your heart yearns for. The fire and desire that comes up from the bottom of your feet to the top of your head when we touch, kiss and feel.
I can feel the affect between my thighs.
Take it slow and fast, take it long and steady.
I will submit under your power.
I will let you lead.
Find your peace in your possession over me.
Waking up
I smell your breath, it surrounds me like clouds surround the sky on a rainy day, we’re breathing in the same air. My chest is heavy, but so is my entire body. My fragile bones feel like they are carrying weights, almost so heavy my bones might break. My skin’s crawling with these sensations that mother nature intended for, I feel moisture in between my thighs, but my mouth is so dry. My eyes are on the ceiling, the room is dim, I can see the side table to my right, the top of the door in the corner of the room. The noise upstairs is drowning out the small moans that are coming from your mouth. It’s hard against my pelvic bone, it hurts. I don’t speak. Your right hand is up my shirt, I don’t understand why, but I lay there, confused. I don’t know why fear is not inside me, maybe because I trust you, that’s probably why I’ve been chosen to come down here in this basement with you. Alone. Away from the other adults and children. Your body is being rocked against me, minutes pass, I’m waiting…waiting…waiting…and then you release. You release all over me what should only be released between two adults who are in love.
I never closed my eyes every time I laid in that bed, in that one room, in the basement where I called home.
Nine years later, I opened my eyes to you taking my innocence.
My Prayer To Yahweh
God,
I know you have a purpose and a plan for me. I trust you more than I trust anything in this life. I have seen too many bad days to not trust that all the good ones are on the horizon. I have fallen short of glory and have allowed the ones I love to fall short of it as well. I have chosen the high road, but I have also led others into the valley. I love you God and I come to you with a open heart, mind and soul that you will hold my hand and carry my heart. Heal all that was before me, take the little broken girl inside of me and love her until she is whole with you. I know when I can’t lean to anything of the world, I can call your name and feel you in spirit. I know when Man has left me in the desert with scars and bruises, I can look for you in the forever anointing of your unlimited healing power. I come to you with my burdens of negativity, abandonment, selfishness, arrogance, and ignorance. I willfully place them in the palms of your hands and release. I will embody your guidance and seek your wisdom as you mold and heal all that is within and outwards of me. Protect me and all that I love as I walk the path of faith that no weapon formed against me shall prosper.
In the ONLY name, The Great I Am.